i’m a bit of a recluse, and it had been quite a while i stayed off. that is to say remained quite. as usual.
my muse was already dead; i didn’t want to resurrect it from the grave of the past. the graphic devastation that the 2015 earthquakes brought in, however, literally shook my inner self.
i would literally weep at times. for unknown reasons, and involuntarily. tears were not under my control, they never were. but they would trickle without my knowledge. poetic expressions and plots of what i would believe as amazing stories would flit through my mind. i would be flying in the flight of ideas in no time, as if i was a maniac or a substance abuser.
love, affection, fear, greed, ego, and aversion were all but the mundane traits that would couple with cryptic personality quirks, and further make me weaker in one fell swoop. but then would come to my mind how thousands of people and monuments lost their state of being, not just their vainglory of contiguous past, in a blink of an eye.
death is obvious. they say all roads lead to rome. i would take rome for oblivion here. then i would flash back. and realising that how vain i had been, on the other hand, would make me numb and irresolute. i would want to say sorry to some. but i never did. probably because doing so would hurt the intangible and abysmal ego, which probably overwhelmed me without letting know me its being. another layer below it, give it any name, was urging me to say “let bygones be bygones”, and to move on.
the nonesuch practical lesson of impermanence, ephemerality and futility of life in general, in such a conspicuous manner, was an avenue for introspection, once again, all the more so. and thus the silence. it was sort of meditation.
well, what i just wrote above is a stark evidence of how verbose, and nonsense for that matter, i could be. duh! i ended up beat around the bush unintentionally.
what brought me back are these tomato berries (seen in the photograph).
they have a story. it touched me when i heard it.
they are wild tomato berries. as big as my thumbnail. fully organic — no pesticide, no man-made genetic modification.
a family from dolakha brought the wild fruits to kathmandu. a member of the family gifted them to my sister. my sister brought them home.
my sister’s friend lost her house and a family member when powerful earthquake struck dolakha on may 12. it was a colossal loss.
wild tomato plants grew on the rubble. they fruited also.
recalling the horror during the mega earthquake days and the family’s tragedy, i tasted the berries. they were tasty.
when i gulped down the raw berries — they are sour and sweet with unique wild aroma — they probably were telling me how resilient life force is.
destruction is an integral part of nature. more often than not life springs back. there’s no other choice.
nevertheless life moves on
quite so quietly