ephemeral, but life moves on, quite quietly

 

Dolakha-tomato

life moves on

i’m a bit of a recluse, and it had been quite a while i stayed off. that is to say remained quite. as usual.

my muse was already dead; i didn’t want to resurrect it from the grave of the past. the graphic devastation that the 2015 earthquakes brought in, however, literally shook my inner self.

i would literally weep at times. for unknown reasons, and involuntarily. tears were not under my control, they never were. but they would trickle without my knowledge. poetic expressions and plots of what i would believe as amazing stories would flit through my mind. i would be flying in the flight of ideas in no time, as if i was a maniac or a substance abuser.

love, affection, fear, greed, ego, and aversion were all but the mundane traits that would couple with cryptic personality quirks, and further make me weaker in one fell swoop. but then would come to my mind how thousands of people and monuments lost their state of being, not just their vainglory of contiguous past, in a blink of an eye.

death is obvious. they say all roads lead to rome. i would take rome for oblivion here. then i would flash back. and realising that how vain i had been, on the other hand, would make me numb and irresolute. i would want to say sorry to some. but i never did. probably because doing so would hurt the intangible and abysmal ego, which probably overwhelmed me without letting know me its being. another layer below it, give it any name, was urging me to say “let bygones be bygones”, and to move on.

well, what i just wrote above is a stark evidence of how verbose, and nonsense for that matter, i could be. duh! i ended up beating around the bush — unintentionally but habitually. old habit die hard?

what brought me back are these tomato berries (seen in the photograph).

they have a story. it touched me when i heard it.


they are wild tomato berries. as big as my thumbnail. fully organic — no pesticide, no man-made genetic modification.

a family from dolakha brought the wild fruits to kathmandu. a member of the family gifted them to my sister. my sister brought them home.

my sister’s friend lost her house and a family member when powerful earthquake struck dolakha on may 12. it was a colossal loss.

time flies.

wild tomato plants grew on the rubble. they fruited also. 

recalling the horror during the mega earthquake days and the family’s tragedy, i tasted the berries. they were tasty.


 

when i gulped down the raw berries — they are sour and sweet with unique wild aroma — they probably were telling me how resilient life force is.

destruction is an integral part of nature. more often than not life springs back. there’s no other choice.

it’s ephemeral
nevertheless life moves on
quite so quietly

amen!

no stock for tonight

concealed under circles of smoke
embellished with flying ash
if you see a mossy face
with reddened eyes and glare on glasses
choking at times
but not stopping to light fags after fags
held by slender hands
you may think that he could be a poet
deep in his thought
or
a philosopher trying to theorise something nonsense
or
a lovelorn man struggling to cope with his recent tragedies

when i see
eight butts by my side
while trying to locate saturn in the hazy sky for an hour
i laugh at myself

why only mars and spica
and
jupiter, castor and pollux
are so conspicuous
and other planets are elusive tonight?

i fucqueen have only one cigarette left
and
all shops are closed by now

¤BlackBerry Poem¤

save frogs

from an old dairy

hello!
planet earth here!

rd5: amphetamine

cued in veritably
maybe it’s a headway
i’m all ears

when dead tired
you count me out
oh
exhibitionists

for rupticism
what’s your hunch?
bad rep
you tailed him?

add up

hello folks
curse me for this rigmarole
but
save frogs and toads
i like their croaks

stashed away for years
my assets
have gathered dust
and
become a safe haven to silverfish
they rule in there and procreate
but i doubt
if they could swim in knowledge or taste sanskrit verses

i like mud and lotus and frogs
they deliver love and knowledge and wisdom
i want to swim in
from their puddle to ocean

grow flowers and give up guns
love frogs and stop hating others

high time indeed
to end the hibernation
and start singing like frogs
the esoteric songs
(of love and love-making)

when will it rain?
i need some muse again

(NaPoWriMo Day 30, Post# 31)

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can fish survive out of water

ninja tuna tracks
play in the background repeatedly
i don’t bother to change them
not even to lower the volume

i want to irritate myself
with music
that i would never get to understand

like a baked potato
about to get charred
in a kaput machine
i excuse myself
not to open the windows
even if i’ve confined myself
in a like-an-oven room

i want to let
the last drop of water in my body
ooze out and evaporate

like cures like
so they say

i want to opacify my vision instead
and
see whether fish can survive out of water
(NaPoWriMo Day 29)

¤BlackBerry Poem¤

show me my sky

ए हिउँ 
मलाई मेरो आकाश देखाइ‍देऊ!….

———
oh snow,
show me my sky!

i will fly high
and
dive back onto you to cry
in happiness by
transforming pain to pleasure-sigh
anxiety to strength multiplied
ego to compassion dignified
grief to wisdom simplified…
————
this song
that nobody wrote or sang in real life
tickled my ears
from within several layers of dreams
in my morning sleep
and
is still reverberating
and
provoking me to find the meaning

(NaPoWriMo Day 28)

¤BlackBerry Poem¤

always a second fiddle

with bare bone and skin
i danced in front of mirror
you saw, pulled a face

cool breeze poked you from behind
you also started dancing

(NaPoWriMo Day 27)

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confusion

got left in the lurch
after blowing hot and cold
with usual breath

confusion’s my ingrained trait
you took it for deception

(NaPoWriMo Day 25)

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fashion show

tgif nepal fashion week, kathmandu
to savour the shapes
rather than style or cover
people gather there

flesh tempts more than fashion does
i can bet my lost* dollar

*(sic)

(NaPoWriMo Day 24)

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mercurial fate

as head of the dragon
started spewing fire
i ran for cover

i ran far away
and decided
never to return

super sun
musing moon
jovial jupiter
mighty mars
all messed around and went past
as a mute spectator only
when i suffered the worst ever despair

combust mercury
and thus always mocked
nevertheless
brought the mercurial twist
in the story

i’m back home
after 16 days and 15 nights

i’m least worried now
for i’ve pulled in my horns
and
i won’t care
even if saturn makes me sad or strong
or
venus makes me virile or vile

fucqueen fate is mercurial
it can fuck us any time it wants

(NaPoWriMo Day 23)

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elusive illusion

what we call reality
is
but an elusive illusion
that has forced all
to accept what is not as what is
and vice versa

my being
and
thus these sufferings
mean nothing
compared to yours

you  know
so do i
that
you are me
and
i am you

even so
i suffer from denial of reality
and
you know
it’s a disease whatsoever

is it because
you have remained you
and
i could not rise above me?
————————–

come
and dissolve in me
or
invite me to dissolve in you

that union
when happens
will be prime

then
we will shine
with
another reality
nay
elusive illusion

(NaPoWriMo Day 22, Post#23)

days and nights

days are a despair and nights a nightmare
time gets stuck and leaves me not anywhere
bloody thoughts rule me when there is light
dark means no sleep or bad dreams marred by fright

(NaPoWriMo Day 21, Post#21)

border

mt machhapuchhre as seen from lake phewa in pokhara

mt machhapuchhre as seen from lake phewa in pokhara

नापेर नांगा आँखाले
अनुमानका भरमा
माछापुच्छ्रेको उचाइ
फेरि गलत हुनुछैन मलाई

किनकि
बादलको साम्राज्य फैलिँदा
छुट्टिँदैन
हिमाल र आकाशको सिमाना

——————————————–
i don’t want to gauge
machhapuchhre with bare eyes
and make its height
a wrong guesswork

when empire of clouds expands
border of mountains and sky
cannot be separated

(NaPoWriMo Post#17)

blood moon

maybe
you realised that
it’s you who made me mad

that’s why you felt bad
hid under the murk
and turned red-faced too
thousands of miles away from me Blood MoonPhoto: Associated Press
(NaPoWriMo Post#15)

i promised my eyes a life

                           (National Poetry Writing Month Day 13)

i gazed at my eyes
i forced myself to see
what they were up to
i tried to listen to them

browbeaten by bothersome brain
and
well-worn for want of repose
they remained silent for a while
and
looked back at me innocently

with an innate brightness
they naively
spilled
curiosity and will to see more

that is to say
they protested
what i was up to
ignorant of what they actually did

then i promised them a life

all have to die some time or other
be that as it may
i shall live
i shall live at least for my innocent eyes

i’ve  promised my eyes my life
i’ll live

(NaPoWriMo Post#13)

¤BlackBerry Poem¤