Sadist me. Mad me

SADISM PART

When I heard the words “bus mishap” and “picnic” in the news, without heeding to the whole matter, I worried about my colleagues. When the news reader mentioned Nagarkot, it was sort of relief to me. Not with my buddies then. I was happy. Sadist I am, alike others…

I don’t know about others way of thinking. But mine is filled with distaste; I always create in my mind negative things side by side the positive ones. Yesterday I thought of what if all of them who would go to the picnic die in an accident… Horrifying it was… I would be alone… “I will have to take the exams alone.” “There would be no one to talk to….”

How would I forget to bear in mind a bitter past event? I lost a close friend when I was in 9th grade. Aavedan with his siblings had gone to Sundarijal in the winter vacation. He did not return… When I heard the news, I was making my holidays in Chitwan; I still remember: I wept for a couple of days… That time I realised how difficult it would be to lose close ones.

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MADNESS PART

When I am angry, I become completely mental. I cannot control myself from being violent.

If you have read “Don Quixote”, you might remember what Cervantes has written in it.

“A knight errant who turns mad for a reason deserves neither merit nor thanks. The thing is to do it without cause.”

The purpose to quote it here is to mention that I need no reason to become to lose my temper, and thus to literally become go mad.

By the way, how do you pronounce ‘Don Quixote’? Well, before David, a Briton of Spanish descent, taught me saying /don kee hotee/ during our overnight journey from Sunauli to Varanasi in Chaitra last year, I too used to say /don kwisət/.

Though I have written the from-Kathmandu-to-Varanasi journal, it’s in paper-and-ink. I have no courage to type it… May be sometime later, I may…

Victims of my fury are electronics, kitchenware, glassware etc. I feel to break the skull of the source of the fury at such times, though. I cannot bear with insult…

Today I threw the meal…

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