A sigh

I never liked this word goodbye. However, I said it today.

Didn’t feel good.



I prefer spending time in the area. Was alone today. So what, I had memories to relive.

At the times when I turn nostalgic, I don’t need anybody’s company.

Spent more than three hours there. Same places… Similar things.

Ate at the same eatery. Same table. Drank soda at the same place. Ice cream? I wanted to eat but was not loaded. But passed through all those parlours…


Yesterday I had decided not to bother the friend anymore. But today I realised that my way will be very inconsiderate and insulting. Why to hurt a person at the farewell time?

Some where in his book, The Greatness Guide, Robin Sharma has written: Leave persons in a better way than you meet them. (I don’t remember the exact words of the “success guru”.)

What can be a better way then?


Naresh is going to Benares to take part in a conference. Of Nuclear Society, I guess.
He phoned me to know things about the place.

I’ve got a chance to help him now. If he wants, I will ask the Swami to help him.


I was very restless Monday night. Rajdeep added oil in the fire. He said that Anup won’t buy the Xerox of the Molecular Cloning. I was pissed off. If he doesn’t pay for that big volume, I should be accountable. These sheepish friends, I muttered.

I asked him to give Anup’s number. Both numbers did not work. One was not correct and the other wasn’t picked up.

I discovered his number scribbled in my old diary. Talked to him and get assured that he did not say so. An intoxicated butterball, now I believe, concocted the story to drive me mad. I will kick the sadist at his ass tomorrow.

Reading a thrilling biography

There was error several times with the connection yesterday. I decided to ask the Mercantile  about the real problem. The server was down because of a virus, according to a person who picked up my phone. He was not sure when the problem would be solved. But he said, “By tomorrow morning the service will be available.”

I got a chance to read the newly purchased book. Paramahansa Yogananda’s autobiography. A thrilling story of the yogi, written by himself.

However, it’s tedious to turn the pages of dictionary. Many archaic words, many uncommon ones too.

The book helped me shift from disquiet to cosiness. I could assuage the tossing and turning state for a while. I succeeded not remembering the worldly and materialistic comfort. Spiritualistic bliss of some kind, I experienced.

I won’t say that for sure I will be a yogi or a sanyasi. But if a U-turn to that direction is taken, that will not be a surprise.

I haven’t read the whole book. When I finish it, I hope I will know something about kriya-yoga.

(For the first time, I heard about kriya-yoga in Benares this year. Anup mentioned about this way of yoga when were on the bank of the Ganges. According to him, one can see kriya-yogis at Assi Ghat. However, I did not come upon any yogi floating in sky alike what Anup had said.)

Meanwhile, another conflict within me has occurred.

Is there god? I say no. But again I want to ask, “Is there any supernatural power reigning the world?”

Well, I think what is here and there is the nature. Nature is everything. But we humans when cannot delve into the nature say it’s godly or it’s supernatural.

Materialism has limitations, I agree.

I am a kind of atheist. But for me spiritualism has significance.